THE CALL OF MY HEART AND A CHANGE IN CAREER DIRECTION

It's not always easy is it? To listen to the call of your heart and follow it. Yesterday, I announced a decision regarding my career and self employment, that I've been mulling over for months. Something that has been weighing heavy on me for the past year. I took the plunge and shared my decision across my social media and newsletter. It's out there now and the relief is enormous. In a nutshell, I've decided to alter the way I have worked as a personal stylist for the past 4 and a half years and will no longer offer client appointments from this summer. I'm in the process of adapting my styling business into something altogether very different because I need to get back to being a writer. I need to get back to being fully me.

The decision has been made, not from a financial point of view, but from a heart one.

Many would say this is foolish, but they're probably not the kind of people I would pay much attention to anyway, because self employment for me has never been about merely following the money.

It's about freedom, creativity, connection and joy. It's about earning a living doing something that I love and indeed, something that I'm good at. It's about opportunity and learning, self development and adventure.

Chasing the dollar is simply not me. Instead, I'm choosing to follow my instinct. The niggling inner voice that has been telling me to to return to writing for an awfully long time, is now cheering loudly in the background. Change is happening and I'm ready for it.

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If you don't know me or my career background, basically I've been working with words since graduating with an English degree back in 2003.

I started my career as a trainee journalist in B2B magazines and did a stint at my local newspaper as a journalist and sub editor. After a few years learning the craft, I became an editor of a number of publications including one which was all about shoes. (Which was heaven to be honest , to a writer like me, who has always been fascinated with style.) After that I moved onto a marketing role for a few years before I eventually ditched the safe world of employment to go and work for myself as a freelancer, when I hit 30.

As a freelancer I worked with clients, producing copy for their websites or marketing materials, writing press releases and securing PR, helping them to find their voice, celebrate their success and attract new clients.

When I first started, I set up a blog to talk honestly about my new freelance experience, which soon became pretty popular. This decision proved to be invaluable to me as the then ' new freelancer on the block' as not only did it help me to secure profitable work, but I gained new connections too.

It's surprising success encouraged me to set up an another blog to talk about personal stuff and women's issues and so not long after, whilst pregnant with my eldest child, Pouting In Heels was born. I wrote that blog for over a decade.

It won numerous awards in the blogging world, became my main source of income for a number of years (which was wonderful as a new mum as it meant I could write when she was asleep) and even helped me to secure my first book deal. Sadly the blog died an unfortunate online death last year after it was compromised and proved impossible to save. But all is not lost because I now blog here instead.

So as you can probably tell from my whistle stop career tour, words have always been my thing. Or at least they were until Covid hit us all, back in the spring of 2020. After working successfully as a writer for many years, I'm not exaggerating when I say that Covid decimated both my finances and writing career. It was disastrous and I've never really recovered from it.

When my paid writing work dried up altogether, just a mere five or six weeks after going into lockdown, I knew immediately that I needed a back up plan to get me through the bizarre time. A different type of work or business that I could offer, doing something that I would enjoy and that could crucially earn me a decent living. It didn't take me long to work out what to do.

I decided to put my lifelong fascination with women's style into good use and via remote training became an accredited personal stylist and colour analyst with the London College of Style.

By the end of 2020 I'd completed my training, gained distinctions in both style and colour analysis and even secured my first paying clients. It was brilliant. Suddenly, I had a new string to my professional bow and I absolutely loved it. I told myself that I would run my new personal styling services alongside being a writer and author, but the universe clearly had other ideas as my new found business quickly took off. I soon found myself working with styling clients, in person and online, across the world.

To my delight and surprise, it became clear that women wanted to work with me and word of mouth soon spread. My styling business, which I'd always intended to be a professional add-on, soon took over everything else and became my main source of income and work. Naturally I devoted all of my time, energy and efforts to it. Taking seriously the trust my clients had placed in me to help them with their personal style. I was determined to be the best personal stylist I could be and worked really hard at it. And it was fantastic!

Until it wasn't.

Until I realised, that the success of my styling business had massively impacted my ability to continue being a writer, leaving with me little to no time to write and hardly any inclination to even attempt to do so. I tried so hard to find a balance between my two professional loves - words and style - but it proved impossible. I've always been an 'all in' kind of girl, whether that's to do with work or anything else, so to try and dabble with both careers at the same time, just didn't work for me. And so my writing fell to the wayside. I kept promising myself that I'd get back to it properly one day, but that day never came around and then it finally happened.

I lost my writing identity.

People who I'd known for years stopped asking me about my writing and presumed I'd given it up forever. Clients who came to me for styling guidance were astonished to hear that my background was in journalism and that I'd written a book. I was no longer known as someone who had a way with words. Style had taken over.

Late last year, it dawned on me, that I'd really lost my way professionally. I was no longer seen by other people as a writer and worst of all? I no longer even recognised myself as one. I thought back to a reading I'd had with a medium, who had told me that words were my future. That I was avoiding doing what I knew I needed to do and how my grandparents were telling me to get off the fence and just do it. Back then, I promised to myself, and her, that I'd make the necessary changes, but still I couldn't let go of my styling clients and so I continued to try the same familiar juggle which had always failed.

Until that is, about a month ago, when I woke up one morning and recognised it was finally time. To do whatever I had to do, that would enable me to get back to writing. To allow myself the space to do the work I've always felt compelled to do.

So yesterday I did it. I announced my decision to stop working one to one with personal styling clients.

A decision that will undoubtedly cost me financially but one that I know will make my heart happy again. Already I feel lighter, brighter and more like my old self. The words are flowing and the ideas are coming. It just feels right. Scary too, but I'm not afraid. Having the courage to follow my heart has not been easy, but I know it is the only way.

I only hope my Grandparents can see me now and are applauding from somewhere lovely, because it may have taken me a while, but this writer has finally gotten off the fence.

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