FOUR LIFE CHANGING LESSONS I LEARNED AT 44

It's my birthday tomorrow (!)and I cannot think of a better way to say goodbye to my current age, than to talk about the lessons that I've learned this year.

Fourty four has been a very tricky age for me, both personally and professionally, so here's some musings about life, change and confidence.

Consistency really IS the key

Oh how I wish this wasn't the case. Consistency is hard isn't it? Easy on good days, almost impossible on the bad days. For years I've kept hearing the same old message from different sources, that if you want success in any area of your life, you have to be consistent. And I'd think, 'yeah, yeah'.

So you can imagine my surprise to find out, that THESE PEOPLE SPOKE THE TRUTH!

Back in April, I decided to go shopping for a new outfit for a wedding and when I stripped off in the changing rooms, let's just say I really didn't like the reflection that I saw back. I was saddened that I'd neglected my body for so long . It's hard for me to admit that, as generally I'm a body positive person, but I really didn't like what I saw in the mirror and I knew on that day, that I had to get my act together. And so I did.

Since that shopping day (which delivered the cold, hard dose of reality that I needed), I've committed to working out 4-5 times a week and I have stuck with it. Even when I haven't wanted to, even when on holiday and even when I've had a gazillion pending things to do on my to do list. I've turned up for myself and kept going, which I guess is what consistency is all about.

My small but consisent workouts of just 15 mins, four to five times a week have really paid off but, they didn't at first. It took me at least two months to notice any difference in my body which was so disheartening that I nearly gave up, but I persevered and said to myself 'consistency'! And low and behold now, seven months on, I'm so glad that I did.

I'm stronger, fitter and healthier than I have been in years and the best bit? I feel more at ease in my own skin. Committing to my health and seeing the benefits of 'what happens when you remain consistent' has been a brilliant lesson to learn. My next step is to try to introduce more consistency to other areas of my life (such as this blog) as I remind myself, that no success ever happens overnight.

So if you want to change an area of your life? Please take my advice and commit to becoming more consistent. To reap the rewards you yearn for, you really do just have to keep showing up and digging as deep as you can.

When things go wrong, you have to bounce back

Really, what other choice do we have?

Back in May I discovered that my two work websites - my professional site and my award winning blog of 14 years - had been compromised. A few days later and after many hours spent trying to fix them, I also learned that they couldn't be saved. Years of work gone through no fault of my own. Just. Like. That. I'm not at all ashamed to say that I did cry when it became apparent there was nothing that could be done. Losing my professional website was frustrating but losing my old blog Pouting In Heels, the space where I'd shared such personal stories, my online bubble that had brought me so many blessings - a book deal, a magazine cover, work and friendships - to name just a few - really did break my heart. At that point, I could have so easily thrown in the self employment towel forever. But, I didn't.

Once I got over the inital shock and heartbreak, I decided to change my perspective and I got back up. I bounced back. I decided to see the professional challenge, not as a disaster but as an opportunity to pivot and reinvent myself and that's what I've been working on for the past 5-6 months. Some of it you will have seen (like this, my new blog) and other stuff you won't have yet, as I've been quietly beavering away in the background.

There is more to come and I'm excited for it all! But there wouldn't be, if I hadn't got back up. There wouldn't be, if I'd allowed the challenge to derail me. There wouldn't be ,if I hadn't chosen to change my perspective on the situation.

Life will always knock us down from time to time and our job? Well it's just to make sure that we keep on getting back up, as fast and as quick as we can.

How you think about yourself, matters

Since I qualified in 2020 as a personal stylist, I've worked with hundreds of women, helping them to dress as their best authentic selves and this year, one realisation has stood out crystal clear. How you think about yourself, matters.

I have learned that I can provide styling guidance and expertise, empathy and words of encouragement to the best of my ability, but it won't make a jot of difference if the woman I'm working with, doesn't believe she is capable of becoming her best self or even that she is deserving of it. I have learned that I can easily spot beauty in every single one of my clients, yet many cannot believe my words, because they do not believe it about themselves. I have learned that some women will see things in themselves that are simply not true, but because they have convinced themselves of them, they then become the only thing that they can see.

How you think about yourself, matters.

It determines everything. How you show up for yourself. How you speak to yourself. What you accept. How you allow others to treat you. I could go on and on and on.

We are wired (and often sadly encouraged) to find fault with ourselves. To pick ourselves apart. To see ourselves as lacking in some way and so I urge you to try and resist this and do your best to do the opposite.

Listen to the encouraging words of others. Question those inner stories you tell yourself on repeat. Look always for the positives and remember, the way you think about yourself, really does impact everything.

To find your magic, you have to believe in it!

A few months ago, I was having wobbles about my work. I'd fallen out of love awith writing and styling and was considering my options. Everything felt and looked a little bit bleak. Work felt heavy and it's safe to say, I was losing my mojo.

But then a very wise woman came into my life, first as a client and then as a guide, and helped me see and find the magic again. With kindness and honesty, she made me see how I'd been dimming my own light because I'd a) stopped believing in myself and b) I'd stopped believing in the impact of my work. Talk about a lightbulb moment.

I've struggled this year to show up publicly. To open up and be myself. I've struggled with my confidence, my sense of purpose and even my work identity. Occasionally, I've managed to show up on a good day, but for the majority of the past 12 months, I've wanted to retreat and hide myself away.

I lost my 'sparkle' for a while, because I stopped believing in it and, because I stopped believing in ME.

So if you too have lost your mojo, remember it's a little bit like Christmas! You have to believe in the magic first and trust that it's always there, in order for it to make it's presence truly felt and known.

Thank you to everyone who has stuck by me professionally over the past 12 months and thank you for reading!

Here's to learning and evolving and turning 45 tomorrow. My midlife chapter is now well and truly calling!...